The Relationship Between Anger and Pain: Coping

So many disabilities involve trying to cope with long-term physical pain. Do you sometimes find yourself angry over how pain keeps you from doing things you want to do? That anger is born of frustration, and it can make any situation worse. Pain can affect the quality of our sleep and can eventually lead to depression. Anger intensifies pain, making it worse.

Managing pain means addressing all the factors that contribute to it. It’s important to get enough sleep, and have “pain-free breaks” when you are able to get away from your pain, and keep focused on outside interest, so there isn’t time to sink into depression. That’s a pretty tall order to maintain over a long period of time. Managing your anger can help manage your pain. But managing your anger may take a bit more effort.

Anger can have quite an effect on pain. When you’re angry, your muscles tense adding to your perception of pain. Anger can also include some of the same feelings that pain does: upset stomach, headache, feelings of hopelessness, and so on.

Why anger and pain feed each other

It can help to think of anger and pain as a cycle. Pain can make you feel trapped. That can lead to frustration. Then anger can make your body tense up more, and that tension can make pain feel stronger. After that, the pain can make you even more upset. Before long, you may feel worn out in both body and mind.

Sleep can also be part of this cycle. When pain keeps you awake, you may start the next day with less patience and less energy. Then small problems can feel much bigger than they really are. That is one reason it helps to pay attention to both pain and mood at the same time. If you only focus on one and ignore the other, it can be hard to make progress.

Managing pain does not mean you have to pretend it is not there. It means you look at the whole picture. That may include rest, movement, your daily routine, and how you respond when stress builds. If you can care for more than one part of the problem at once, you may have a better chance of feeling better overall.

What to look for in yourself

So, what can you do to control your anger? First, try to identify the things that are triggering it. When you are able to recognize situations likely to “go south,” then you can try to change before you get to the rage stage.

Try to recognize when you’re first starting to feel frustrated. Look at how you express your anger? Do you grit your teeth? Do you find yourself feeling your frustration climbing with each challenge you face? Does your stomach begin to knot, or can you feel the tension in other areas in your body? If you know how anger affects you, it’s easier to identify it when it starts and take steps to change your focus. Controlling your anger will help you cope with your pain.

It may also help to notice what happens right before your anger grows. Maybe it starts when plans change. Maybe it happens when you cannot find a comfortable position. Maybe it comes up after a hard day of appointments, or when you feel like other people do not understand what you are dealing with. These are all clues. Once you spot the pattern, you can prepare for it.

A simple way to do this is to check in with yourself during the day. Ask: Am I tense? Am I getting snappy? Am I clenching my jaw? Am I holding my breath? These small signs often show up before anger feels big. When you catch them early, it is easier to slow down and shift your attention.

Ways to calm down before anger builds

If you are able to recognize when you’re starting to get angry, take a time out. Try to focus on something else other than whatever is bothering you. If you can move to a different place, do so. If necessary, try to let go of whatever is causing your anger for a while, then come back and examine the situation again. This gives you the opportunity to calm down and think more clearly.

A time out does not have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as standing up, moving to another room, or sitting somewhere quiet for a few minutes. You might look out a window, listen to music, or count slowly to ten. The goal is not to solve everything right away. The goal is to give your body a chance to settle.

Breathing can help too. Try taking slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. If your shoulders are tight, let them drop. If your hands are clenched, open them. These are small things, but they can send a message to your body that it is safe to relax a little.

It can also help to write down what is bothering you. Sometimes putting the problem on paper makes it feel less heavy. Then you can ask yourself whether it is something you can change now, something you can work on later, or something you need to let go of for the moment.

Use movement when you can

Consider participating in some physical activity to help work off some of your anger. While it might be difficult if physical activity also increases your pain, if you can take a walk or exercise in another way, it might help.

This does not have to mean a hard workout. It can be gentle movement that feels right for your body. A short walk, stretching, slow chair exercises, or a few minutes of movement in place may be enough to help release some tension. If one kind of movement hurts too much, try another. The point is to listen to your body and not push past your limits.

Even small movement can help break up the feelings that build when you stay still too long. It may also give your mind a new focus. Instead of only thinking about what is upsetting you, you are giving yourself another task to do. That can be useful when anger starts to rise.

Letting go for your own sake

If nothing else, try to consciously let go of your anger for your own sake. Anger takes a toll on your body and makes pain worse, so ask yourself if it’s worth letting yourself get worked up over the situation, especially if it’s one you can’t control. If you can manage to control your anger, you may find you have taken a big step toward managing your pain.

That does not mean your pain is not real. It does not mean your frustration is not real. It means you are choosing not to let anger add even more burden to what you already carry. That choice can be hard, especially on a bad pain day. But even a little progress matters.

Some days, the best you can do is notice the anger and stop it from growing. Other days, you may be able to step away, breathe, move a little, and come back calmer. Both are wins. Over time, these small choices can become part of your routine.

If you are looking for support, Disability Network Lakeshore can help. Our services are free, and we work with people with disabilities in Ottawa and Allegan counties. You can call us at (616) 396-5326. We understand how hard it can be to manage pain and the frustration that comes with it, and we are here to help you find support and resources.

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442 Century Lane
Holland, MI 49423

Services

Advocacy

Assistance Animals

Information & Referral

Peer Support

Emergency Readiness

Social Security Disability

Social Participation

Veterans

Skills Development

Employment

Transition

Nursing Home Transition

Youth Services