I’ll admit that when it comes to living with a disability, every day seems to have its share of struggles. Just getting dressed can be a major undertaking, let alone making meals, driving to the grocery store, and doing the million other chores that need to get done. But you do them, and you live life while you’re doing it. That’s what it’s all about.
That may sound simple, but it takes real effort. Some days, even the small stuff can feel big. A task that most people do without thinking can take planning, extra energy, or a few workarounds. That is part of the reality of disability. It does not mean the day is lost. It means the day may need a different plan.
My sister often tells me I’m stubborn as a mule. Each time she says it I respond with, “I’m not stubborn; I’m independent.” What she sees as a stubborn streak is me simply choosing to do things for myself rather than asking someone to do them for me. I’ll ask for help when I need it, but if I can do it on my own, I will. I think that behavior is born of the fear that if I don’t do something for myself, it won’t be long before I won’t be able to do it at all.
That feeling is one a lot of people with disabilities may know well. When you work hard to keep your independence, it can feel important to use the skills you have while you have them. Doing things for yourself can be a way to keep control of your own life. It can also be a way to protect your confidence. If you want to try doing more on your own, start with one task you can manage safely. Maybe it is getting your clothes ready the night before, using a stool in the kitchen, or setting up supplies where you can reach them. Small changes can make a big difference.
So maybe that does make me stubborn as a mule. I’m stubborn enough to want to take care of myself. I’m stubborn enough to put the extra effort into doing more in order to get things done right. I’ll accept help when I need it, but I don’t want anyone’s pity!
That is an important point. Help and pity are not the same thing. Help respects your choices. Pity can make you feel small. Most people with disabilities do not want to be treated like they cannot think for themselves. They want respect. They want the chance to try. They want to be asked what they need, not told what they need.
There are times when the extra effort is worth it. Maybe you want to make your own breakfast, even if it takes longer. Maybe you want to go to the grocery store yourself, even if you need to use a list, a mobility aid, or a ride from a friend. Maybe you want to keep doing a hobby because it helps you feel like yourself. Independence is not about proving anything to other people. It is about living your life in the way that works best for you.
Living with disability means planning ahead
My disability isn’t just going to go away. For the rest of my life, this is my reality. I’m facing three more joint replacement surgeries, and I’ll have to be stubborn to face them and get through them. But it’s not my first rodeo. I’ve been here before and survived. I’ll get by another day and then another, and when the time comes that I can’t do something, then I’ll ask for help. But for now, I’m just stubborn enough to want to be independent!
That same steady, one-day-at-a-time thinking can help anyone facing a long-term health issue. When a future surgery, treatment, or change in ability is ahead, it helps to break things down. You do not have to solve everything at once. You can focus on the next step.
Here are a few practical ways to prepare:
- Write down the things you need to do each week, then circle the ones that are hardest.
- Ask which tasks can be made easier with tools, routines, or help from someone you trust.
- Keep important items in the same place so they are easier to reach.
- Plan extra time for activities that take more energy.
- Save your strength for the things that matter most to you.
It can also help to think about the hard days before they happen. If you know a surgery or other medical event is coming, make a simple plan for meals, rides, medicine, and rest. Ask yourself who you can call, what you can do ahead of time, and what can wait. Preparing does not take away the challenge, but it can make the challenge feel less overwhelming.
Being independent does not mean doing everything alone. It means making your own decisions and knowing when help is useful. That balance can be hard. Some days you may want to do more than you should. Other days you may need to stop and rest sooner than you want. That is okay. Listening to your body is part of staying independent too.
Respect, resources, and real support matter
Our world still has barriers for people with disabilities. Whether you are an individual or a company, searching for disability resources is discouraging and frustrating. And when you do not have the right tools, individuals and communities suffer. Wouldn’t you like to live in an inclusive community where everyone can participate, contribute, and belong?
That question matters because barriers are not just personal. They affect jobs, schools, housing, transportation, health care, and social life. A curb without a ramp, a form that is not easy to read, or a service that is hard to find can keep someone from taking part in daily life. Inclusion means making sure more people can get through the door, use the service, and have a fair chance to belong.
The right resources are hard to find. We get it.
We understand how it feels to struggle to fully participate in an inaccessible community, which is why we help people find and use disability resources. If you are not sure where to start, that is okay. Sometimes the first step is just asking. Disability Network Lakeshore can help, and our services are free. You can call us at (616) 396-5326 to learn more about support in Ottawa and Allegan counties.
Free support can make a real difference when you are trying to solve a problem, stay independent, or figure out what comes next. You may need information about a service, help thinking through a barrier, or support as you work toward a goal. You do not have to sort it out by yourself.
How to keep moving forward
When life with a disability feels heavy, it can help to remember that getting through the day is still something. Progress does not always look big. Sometimes it looks like making the bed, getting dressed, taking medicine on time, or making one phone call you have been putting off. Those things matter.
If you are trying to stay independent, here are a few ideas that may help:
- Do the hardest tasks when your energy is best.
- Break large jobs into smaller steps.
- Use written notes or phone reminders so you do not have to keep everything in your head.
- Keep a backup plan for days when pain or fatigue is worse.
- Accept help with the jobs that take too much out of you.
These are not signs of weakness. They are tools. Independence often grows when people have the right tools and the right support. That is one reason centers for independent living matter. They help people learn about options, solve problems, and stay involved in their communities.
And sometimes, just hearing that someone understands can help. Living with disability can be tiring, but it can also be full of grit, humor, and determination. Being called stubborn may not always sound like a compliment, but in this case, it can also mean strong, steady, and unwilling to give up. For many of us, that is what getting by looks like.
So yes, I’m stubborn enough to want to be independent. I’m stubborn enough to keep going. And when I need help, I know where to ask for it.
442 Century Lane
Holland, MI 49423
Phone: (616) 396-5326