Having PTSD means chemical changes have occurred in the brain that result in a continuously active state of arousal for the individual affected. This translates to the person who has PTSD being farther along on the continuum of anger than most people. For family members, it can mean having a parent who flies off the handle with little provocation, and it can result in children growing up “walking on eggs” so they don’t trigger those angry outbursts. It can lead to an uncomfortable, even tragic, lifestyle.
That is why it matters to notice the early signs. When a person can catch anger before it gets too big, there is a better chance to calm down, think clearly, and avoid hurting others with words or actions. For families, that can mean less fear at home and more trust between people. For the person with PTSD, it can mean more control and less shame after an outburst. Small steps can make a big difference.
When Jeremy contacted DNL, he was hoping he could find a way to become more self-aware that his anger was escalating so he could intervene before things got out of hand. As a former Marine, he was proud of his ability to react quickly and efficiently when under pressure, but it worried him that his children appeared to be somewhat fearful around him. He had a service dog that assisted him by waking him when he was having nightmares; he asked if DNL could recommend someone to help him train his dog to alert him to his increasing anger before it reached explosive levels.
Jeremy’s question shows a very practical need. Many people know what it feels like to “snap,” but they do not always know what happens right before that point. That is why self-awareness is so useful. It gives a person a chance to step in early. Some people notice changes in their breathing. Some feel heat in their face or chest. Others clench their jaw, pace, tap their foot, or raise their voice. Jeremy was able to identify some of the behaviors he exhibited prior to losing control of his anger. He would bounce his leg and his voice would begin to rise in volume and pitch as his anger increased.
Those cues may seem small, but they can be powerful warning signs. If you live with anger or PTSD, it can help to make your own list of warning signs when you are calm. Try asking: What does my body do first? What do others notice before I do? What thoughts show up? A person may not need to stop every feeling of anger. The goal is to notice the climb before it becomes a blast. Writing the signs down can help. So can asking a trusted family member, friend, or support person what they see.
Using these cues, his DNL worker, a certified dog trainer, wrote a training plan for Jeremy to teach his dog to alert him before his anger got out of control.
That kind of plan works best when it is simple and clear. The dog was not asked to solve the whole problem. The dog was taught to notice a pattern and give a signal. That can be a good reminder for anyone working with a service animal or support animal: keep the task specific. A dog can help with an early warning, but the person still needs a next step. For example, once the dog gives the alert, the person might sit down, leave the room, take slow breaths, drink water, or use a grounding skill. A plan like that gives the person something to do right away instead of just reacting.
The dog was taught to respond to the increasing signs of frustration Jeremy exhibited by lying down in front of him and covering his eyes with his paws. This signaled to Jeremy that his behavior was escalating, while at the same time, making him laugh at the dog’s behavior! His laughter helped divert his anger, and knowing his anger was getting out of control before he blew up, helped Jeremy stop his outburst before they occurred.
This is a good example of how support can interrupt a bad moment. The dog’s behavior did two things at once. First, it gave Jeremy a clear signal. Second, it broke the tension enough to change the direction of the moment. Laughter can be a powerful reset. It does not erase the problem, but it can give a person enough space to pause. That pause matters. In many situations, a brief pause is the difference between saying something hurtful and choosing a safer response.
If you are working on anger management, it can help to build your own “pause plan.” Here are a few ideas:
- Notice your early signs and name them.
- Step away from people if you can do so safely.
- Use slow breathing. Try a longer exhale than inhale.
- Hold something cold, like a cool drink or a cold cloth.
- Count slowly or repeat a short calming phrase.
- Ask your support animal, if you have one, to help with a learned task.
- Return to the conversation only when you feel calmer.
Every person is different, so the right plan will be different too. What matters is having a plan before the anger gets too high. Jeremy’s dog lets him know now when his anger is escalating. His home has become a safer, more peaceful place where the entire family can relax and enjoy each other without fear.
That outcome is important. It shows that help is not only about the person with PTSD. It is also about the family, the home, and daily life. When a person has better control of anger, children may feel safer. Partners may feel less worried. The whole house can feel calmer. That does not mean hard days disappear. It means the family has one more tool to handle them.
If you or someone you love is dealing with PTSD, anger, or the need for help with a service or assistance animal, DNL may be able to help. Our services are free. We offer advocacy, assistance animals support, information and referral, peer support, skills development, and transition services. We also work with veterans and others who are trying to live more independently.
You do not have to figure everything out alone. A conversation can be the first step toward a safer routine or a better support plan. DNL is located at 442 Century Lane, Holland, MI 49423. Call us at (616) 396-5326.
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