Holidays are often difficult when you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). While everyone else is enjoying that joyful holiday spirit as Thanksgiving Day approaches, PTSD can leave you afraid of what might happen when family and friends gather. This holiday, a trigger suddenly activated my PTSD and robbed me of those good holiday feelings.
For many people, Thanksgiving brings warm food, familiar smells, and time with loved ones. For me, and for others living with PTSD, it can also bring stress. The holiday can feel loud, busy, and hard to control. Even things that seem small to other people can cause a strong reaction. A smell, a sound, a crowded room, or a change in routine can bring back fear in a flash. When that happens, it can feel like your body is reacting to danger right now, even when you know you are safe.
Five years ago, I went through a fire. It was horribly traumatic, and it didn’t just end when the flames burned out. There were endless financial repercussions, painful memories that still haunt me, and changes that I underwent physically, mentally, and emotionally.
That kind of trauma does not stay in the past where it belongs. It can follow you into daily life. It can affect your sleep, your sense of safety, and your energy. It can make simple tasks feel hard. It can also make the holidays more complicated, because this time of year often brings up memories of loss, change, and fear. If you have been through something traumatic, please know that these reactions are real. They are not weakness. They are part of how trauma can live in the body and mind.
One trigger that takes me right back to that night is the sound of a smoke alarm, a sound I hate. Each time an alarm goes off, I hear the sound of flames crackling. I smell the smoke. But worst of all, I feel all the horror and pain I felt that night.
Triggers can be powerful because they connect the present to the past. A sound may seem ordinary to someone else, but to me it is a warning signal. My mind does not first think, “That is just a beep.” My body goes straight to fear. That is one reason PTSD can be so exhausting. You are not only dealing with the event itself. You are also dealing with the reactions that come back later, often without warning. It can help to name those triggers when you can. Knowing what sets off a reaction may not stop it, but it can help you prepare.
This Thanksgiving Day, the smoke alarm in my home office pipped signaling the battery was almost dead. Climbing up a ladder to change the battery was daunting. I have no business being on a ladder at my age, but one does what one must. I could feel my blood pressure climbing the ladder right along with me! I changed the battery and climbed back down saying a prayer of thanks that I hadn’t fallen.
Sometimes healing does not mean feeling calm. Sometimes it means doing what needs to be done, even while scared. That day, I had a job to do, and I did it. I was careful, and I stayed aware of my limits. If a task feels risky, it is okay to slow down and think through your next step. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to wait for another day if that is safer. Practical safety matters, especially when stress is already high. For anyone with PTSD or other disabilities, a simple plan can help: keep a sturdy step stool instead of a tall ladder, have another person nearby, and make sure you are not rushing. DNL can help people find disability resources and supports at no cost, including information and referral, peer support, and other services.
And all was well…until later that night when I woke from a sound sleep to the sound of the alarm in my bedroom. I listened with heart hammering. I sniffed – no smoke smell. The alarm had stopped, so I got up, looked around, and went back to bed convinced it was a dream. Several hours later, it happened again. Same situation, same response. Another dream. And a third time. No fire. I hoped it wouldn’t happen again and as I laid there thinking about it, sure enough, the alarm sounded. Just two shrieks and then it stopped.
It continued at random intervals throughout the night. I was so traumatized by the sound that I was shaking with panic and that made me reluctant to go up the ladder again. I finally got dressed and left the house to calm down. After I returned home, I climbed the ladder again and took the battery out.
That part matters too. Sometimes the best thing you can do is step away for a moment. Getting out of the room, taking a walk, or breathing in a quiet place can help your body settle. When panic is high, it can be hard to think clearly. A short break can give you enough space to decide what to do next. If a trigger is active and you feel overwhelmed, it may help to focus on simple things around you: name five things you can see, feel your feet on the floor, or hold something cold in your hand. These small steps do not erase trauma, but they can help bring you back to the present.
PTSD doesn’t play by any rules. When it strikes, you are swept up in the horror of the original trauma without a choice. Holidays, anniversaries, smells, and sounds can trigger PTSD. When they do, you may feel that every step toward healing is lost. You’re back at the starting line and the feelings of grief and despair at having to go through the healing process again are overwhelming. But there is a silver lining. I know the way out now. I’ve healed in the past, and I’ll heal again. I may find myself back here again someday, but I carry the knowledge of healing with me. I can do this. I can heal. I’ve done it before, and this holiday season, I’m grateful for that.
If this season is hard for you, you are not alone. It can help to make a few plans ahead of time. You might decide how long you want to stay at a gathering. You might choose a quiet space where you can take a break. You might tell one trusted person what you need. You might also plan for common triggers, like loud noises or crowded rooms. Simple planning can lower stress, even if it does not remove it. And if you need support, DNL is here to help. Our services are free, and we help people in Ottawa and Allegan counties find the support they need to live more independently.