Coping With Holiday Stress

Christmas time is near, and with it comes all the typical stressors of the holidays: unannounced company, parties, meals with family, shopping, house cleaning, and a host of other chores that are added to our daily routines. All of it can become overwhelming very quickly if you’re also trying to cope with a disability on a daily basis. I love the season, but I’ve learned I have to set limits in order to come through without becoming angry and sarcastic. It’s not unusual for me to go into an arthritis flare simply from the stress and extra work I’m dealing with.

That is one of the hard parts of the season. People often think of the holidays as warm and easy. But for many of us, they are full of extra demands. There are more people in our homes. There are more sounds, more smells, more plans, and more pressure to keep up. If you already live with pain, fatigue, anxiety, mobility limits, or another disability, all of that can take a lot out of you. That is why it helps to think ahead and decide what you can do, what you cannot do, and what you do not need to do at all.

This year I’ve scaled down the usually routine by changing my holiday party from a dinner party to snacks. I’m not cleaning the entire house either. Instead, I’ll focus on the kitchen and living room. No one goes into the bedrooms anyway, and if they do, it may be a bit messy, but it’s not dirty. The purpose of the party is to see the people I care about, not to spend days cooking and cleaning! By limiting the food preparation time, I will actually have the time to enjoy visiting with my friends. That’s something I’m looking forward to doing.

This kind of change may seem small, but it can make a big difference. A snack party means less time on your feet. It means fewer dishes and less cleanup. It may also lower your stress before the guests even arrive. If you are hosting, you can look at the whole event and ask yourself, “What matters most?” If the answer is being with people, then the menu, the decorations, and the cleaning can be simplified. A store-bought tray, a few easy snacks, or a pot of something simple can be enough. You do not have to prove anything by doing it all.

Family dinners were always awful during the holidays when I was growing up. We always knew that no matter how hard we tried to keep things light, someone would get mad (usually my father) and have a fit resulting in hard feelings and everyone thinking that Christmas was a bit tarnished. Time has taken care of that stressor, but I also take care now to think through who I’m inviting to my home for dinner, and then talking to them before the festivities start to let them know I want things to be kept light and festive. In other words, no temper tantrums allowed! Pointing that out before anyone else arrives stops it before it starts.

That is good advice for any holiday gathering. If you know certain people bring stress, you can plan around that. You may choose a smaller group. You may keep the visit shorter. You may talk ahead of time about what kind of behavior is okay and what is not. It can be helpful to say something simple, like, “I want this to be a calm and happy visit,” or “Let’s keep things light today.” Clear words before the meal can save a lot of hurt feelings later. It also helps to have an exit plan. If you need a break, you can step into another room, take a short walk, or end the visit early.

I also make sure now to take care of myself and show myself a little bit of extra attention over the holidays. I try to get to bed at the same time every night, to not over-indulge too often, and to get outside a little everyday to get some sun (if possible!) and fresh air. After all, if I don’t take care of myself, who else is going to do it? So, I slow down, enjoy the lights and music of the season, and love every minute of it!

Self-care does not have to be fancy. It can be simple and steady. Getting enough sleep can help your body and your mood. Eating in a balanced way can help you feel more stable, even if there are sweet treats around. Going outside for a few minutes can help clear your head, even on a cold day, if it is safe for you to do so. If fresh air is not possible, sitting by a window for a little while can still give you a change of pace. The point is not to follow a perfect holiday routine. The point is to protect your energy.

It can also help to plan rest into your days. If you know you will be out in the evening, try to keep the morning quiet. If you have a lot to do one day, make the next day lighter. Give yourself permission to say no to some things. You do not have to go to every party, bake every treat, or stay for every event. If your body or mind needs a break, listen to it. That is not being rude. That is taking care of yourself.

Another helpful step is to make tasks easier before the season gets busy. Wrap gifts while seated if standing hurts. Use a chair in the kitchen when you can. Ask for help with carrying items, reaching high shelves, or moving decorations. Keep medicine, water, and mobility aids close by if you need them. Small changes like these can lower strain and save energy for the parts of the holiday that matter most.

If the holidays bring more stress than joy, remember that you are not alone. At Disability Network Lakeshore, we help people in Ottawa and Allegan counties find disability resources and make life less complicated by disability. Our services are free. If you need help problem-solving, finding supports, or learning about your options, call us at (616) 396-5326. Sometimes having someone listen and help you think through a plan can make the season feel more manageable.

The holidays can be fun and festive, even when you have a disability. With a little bit of extra attention, you can enjoy them too. Have a happy holiday season!

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Services

Advocacy

Assistance Animals

Information & Referral

Peer Support

Emergency Readiness

Social Security Disability

Social Participation

Veterans

Skills Development

Employment

Transition

Nursing Home Transition

Youth Services