Almost twenty percent of the people in American are disabled, some having been born with their disability, others having acquired it by being involved in an accident, contracting a disease, or losing function through the aging process. Acquiring a disability means having to make adjustments that you never expected you’d have to make. Along with having to adjust to something you never thought you’d have to deal with, societal attitudes add the burden of pity to the equation. Let’s face it, seeing someone with a disability is hard because it means we each have to accept it can happen to us too. And that can lead to isolation. All-in-all, it’s quite an adjustment that must be made!
For many people, the first changes are not just physical. They can also be emotional, social, and practical. You may need to learn a new way to move around your home. You may need help at work or while driving. You may need to ask family and friends to do things differently. Even simple tasks can feel heavy at first. That is why it helps to take one step at a time. A new disability can change your schedule, your roles, and your sense of self all at once.
Those of us who have lived with a disability for many years (some since birth), can prove helpful to those who have a newly acquired disability. We have adjusted to the changes in our lives and usually, through trial and error, have found ways to get around the barriers that prevent us from leading a fulfilling life. Sometimes though, we have to go through a grieving period first in order to let go of the life we’ve lost. This is a normal part of the process of accepting your disability.
That grieving period can look different for everyone. Some people feel angry. Some feel sad. Some feel numb. Some want to talk right away, and some need quiet. There is no right speed for healing. It can help to name what you have lost. Maybe it is a job, a hobby, a way of parenting, or the freedom to go where you want without help. Saying that loss out loud can be hard, but it can also be a first step toward moving forward.
Practical support matters too. If you are newly disabled, try to keep a list of questions for doctors, therapists, or case workers. Write down what is hard, what helps, and what makes symptoms worse. That record can help you explain your needs later. It can also help you notice small wins, like being able to stand a little longer, manage pain better, or get through a day with less stress. Small progress matters.
It takes time to make the adjustment to a new lifestyle, yet the person we are on the inside hasn’t changed. I remember the doctor once telling my mother that my grandmother was a 26-year old woman in an 83-year old body. At the time I didn’t understand what he meant. As I get older myself, I even know how that must have felt!
That idea is important. Your body may change, but your humor, beliefs, habits, and dreams are still yours. You may still love the same music, stories, food, or people. You may still be a worker, parent, neighbor, spouse, friend, or volunteer. A disability can affect how you do things, but it does not erase who you are. Remembering that can help when other people start treating you like your whole life has become your diagnosis.
Sometimes others do not know what to say. They may try to be kind, but end up saying the wrong thing. They may offer help in a way that feels controlling, or avoid you because they feel uncomfortable. If this happens, it can help to speak plainly. You can say what you need, what you do not need, and how you want to be treated. For example, you might say, “Please ask before helping me,” or “I need more time to get this done.” Clear words can save a lot of stress.
Whatever your disability is, the likelihood is that you’ll get better and better at coping with it as you age. Sooner or later, you’ll start to feel comfortable in your skin again, and the sun will begin shining in your life once more. If your disability does not become easier to live with, then consider finding a rehabilitation counselor who can help you learn new coping techniques.
If you are looking for coping ideas, start with the parts of life that matter most to you. Ask what would make daily life easier. That might include:
- using reminders, calendars, or alarms to keep track of medicine or appointments
- changing the layout of your home so things are easier to reach
- asking for a workplace accommodation when you need one
- learning new ways to rest so you can save energy
- joining a peer group so you can hear from people with similar experiences
Rehabilitation counselors, peer supporters, and other helpers can also point you toward tools, services, and community supports. Sometimes just learning the names of the right programs can make the next step feel less scary. If you need help identifying resources, learning about your disability, or connecting with other individuals or organizations, call Disability Network/Lakeshore. Our services are free. We are here to help you find your way at 616.396.5326.
Life with a disability is different, but not always worse. We can learn, we can adapt, and we can grow, even while disabled. Our disability is not the sum of who we are. We are often wiser and more compassionate towards others having gone through a difficult experience ourselves. We may even admit to being a better person because of our disability!
That growth does not happen because the hard parts were easy. It happens because we keep going. It can be a good thing to notice what you can do now that you could not do before. Maybe you ask for help sooner. Maybe you understand pain in a new way. Maybe you are kinder to people who are struggling. These are real strengths. They come from lived experience, and they matter.
As you begin your adjustment to a new way of life, remember that you are not alone. One in four people are disabled. You aren’t the first to go through this, and you won’t be the last. If you need help identifying resources, learning about your disability, or connecting with other individuals or organizations, call Disability Network/Lakeshore. We are here to help you find your way! 616.396.5326. Visit us at www.dnlakeshore.org.
You can also ask DNL about our free services if you want support with advocacy, information and referral, peer support, skills development, or transition. Some people need help with emergency readiness. Some need help with social security disability, social participation, veterans’ issues, or assistance animals. Some need support after moving from a nursing home or while a young person is preparing for adulthood. Whatever the need, starting the conversation can make the path clearer.
If you are family or a friend of someone who has recently acquired a disability, you can help by being patient, listening well, and not making assumptions. Ask what would be useful. Offer rides, help with meals, or a hand with forms, if wanted. Keep inviting the person to events, but understand if they need time. Small acts of respect can make a big difference.
Adjustment is a process. Some days may feel easier than others. That does not mean you are failing. It means you are living through change. Give yourself time. Give yourself grace. And remember that help is available when you need it.