As I drove to work this morning, I was amazed at how much had changed with my eyesight during the past week. When I drove to work in the early morning darkness a week ago, it was the first time I’d realized something was wrong with my eye. I saw that there were cars ahead of me on the road, but I could not tell how far ahead they were – two yards or two hundred yards!
This week, even though the condition of my right eye is slowly continuing to deteriorate, I could see better…or, perhaps it would be more accurate to say I better understood what I was seeing. I believe my brain is learning to interpret what it is seeing with greater accuracy. That gives me hope as I have been afraid that if the surgery scheduled for later this week fails, I will never be able to drive again, or at least I would not be able to drive in the darkness. I was not uncomfortable driving to work this morning. I could clearly tell where the cars in front of me were, and I had no trouble navigating.
There Is Always Hope
All of this is to say, there is always hope. We tend to think situations are simply the way they are and that they will always be that way. It’s not true. No matter how bad, things can and often do get better, or in a situation like mine, while my condition got worse, my ability to understand what I was seeing got better.
That is a hard lesson when your disability is new. At first, it can feel like your whole world has changed in one moment. You may be tired, scared, angry, or numb. You may be trying to get through each day while also learning new words, new routines, and new limits. When that happens, it is easy to focus only on what has been lost. But change does not stop on day one. A body can heal in some ways. A mind can learn new ways to cope. Family, friends, and helpers can learn too.
Sometimes hope looks like a big change. Other times it looks small. It may be a test result that helps guide treatment. It may be learning a safer way to do a task. It may be understanding your symptoms better. It may even be what I noticed this week: the condition may still be getting worse, but your own ability to make sense of it is getting better. That matters. Small gains can make daily life feel less frightening.
Things Can Change
Winston Churchill said, “Never, never, never, never, never give up.” I believe that’s true. If you are new to disability, your situation is not stagnant. Things can change. We can change. Our ability to accept, adapt and carry on is pretty awesome. Don’t give up. Life with a disability may be different, but the sun will shine again and you will feel its’ warmth. Whatever your circumstances, you can still learn, you can still find beauty and enjoyment in life. Please don’t give up; there is always hope.
When life changes, it can help to take one step at a time. You do not have to solve your whole future in one day. Try asking:
- What do I need today?
- What has changed since last week?
- What feels harder right now?
- What still works?
- Who can help me think through my next step?
These questions can keep a hard time from turning into total overwhelm. They can also help you notice progress that may be easy to miss. If you are dealing with a new diagnosis, a new injury, or a new loss of function, your first job is not to do everything. Your first job is to keep moving forward in small ways.
Practical steps can help. You might write down what you notice each day, like pain, vision changes, fatigue, or what makes things easier. You might keep a list of questions for doctors or therapists. You might ask a trusted person to go with you to an appointment and help you remember what was said. You might also need to rest more, use tools that make tasks easier, or change how you do things so you can stay safe. Those are not signs of failure. They are signs of adapting.
It can also help to be patient with yourself. A new disability can bring grief. Grief can come and go. Some days you may feel strong. Some days you may feel worn out. Both are okay. You do not need to pretend to be fine. You only need to keep going.
Accept, Adapt, Carry On
Our ability to accept, adapt and carry on is pretty awesome. That does not mean everything becomes easy. It means people can learn new ways to live well, even when life has changed. You may need more time. You may need more help. You may need to do things differently than before. Still, different is not the same as hopeless.
For example, if driving at night becomes hard, that may mean you need to plan trips for daylight, ask for rides, use public transportation when it is available, or find other ways to get where you need to go. If reading gets harder, you may need brighter light, larger print, audio materials, or help from someone who can read with you. If a task at home is too difficult, you may need to break it into smaller steps or use a tool that protects your safety. These changes can be frustrating, but they can also open new ways to live more fully.
It is also important to remember that hope does not mean pretending everything is okay. Hope means believing that tomorrow can be different from today. It means leaving room for new answers, new skills, and new understanding. It means knowing that your life is not over because your disability is new.
If you are the friend or family member of someone with a new disability, you can help by listening, being patient, and not rushing them to “move on.” Sometimes the most helpful thing is to sit with them, help them find information, and support the next step. A calm voice and a steady hand can mean a lot.
DNL Can Help
Disability Network/Lakeshore is your “go-to” place for help. If you are new to a disability and need answers, please call 616-396-5326. We’re waiting for you to call, and we’ll never give up on you! Our services are free, and we can help you sort through questions, find resources, and think about next steps. If you are unsure where to start, you can start with us.
At DNL, we work alongside people with disabilities and their families in Ottawa and Allegan counties. We can help with advocacy, information and referral, peer support, skills development, and transition needs. That may include help with employment, youth services, nursing home transition, social security disability, veterans, emergency readiness, social participation, and assistance animals. If your disability is new, even one conversation can make the path feel less lonely.
Please don’t give up. There is always hope.